Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Today was not the best day for me today. It was hard to work and focus. During first period I couldn't really focus or sit still at all. I couldn't stop thinking about some people that i used to care alot about until my friend and I figured out that he was just leading me on. I thought i loved him like i loved other people. I thought for once he was the right guy for me but again i was wrong again. That is why i never get close to people because when i do all they do is find out alot about me and then when we aren't friends and i make them mad they go and twist all the things that i told them and they go and tell all their friends. I hate when people try to get close to me just to find out all my secrets. Its hard for me to make friends because I'm afraid that something like that is going to happen again to me. I never really let people get into my life because then when something bad happens its hard to picture my life without them. Last time something major happened to me I didn't leave my room unless i needed to go to the bathroom, take a shower or to sometimes eat. I was afraid that people would judge me for something that was a mistake or that somebody else heard from their friends. I try to not let those kinds of things happen to me because I've been hurt enough to last me a whole lifetime. My life isn't so easy. I wear makeup to kind how i feel. I act like a totally different person around my friends then my parents because if my parents really know how i was they would be really disappointed in me. Ive made alot of mistakes in my life that some of them I regret and some of them changed my life. If i couldn change anything in my life i wouldn't because I learned alot from those mistakes that ive made and thats how i learned who i am now. My life is ok but its not perfect. But whos life is perfect? Nobodys. This is the only way that i can get all of the things that im thinking about out of my mind that way i can sleep at night but sometimes this never works. I try my best not to let things affect the person i am or the things that i do. Im disappointed in myself because i havne't tried my best in school and pretty much everything else that I've done in my life. Im trying to change. Im still changing and hopefully when i grow up and look back on the past i will be happy that i changed into a totally different person or i might stay the same i never know. Its something to look forward to in the future. Hope you enjoyed that for today there should be more to talk about next week.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
I hate school so much. I'm tired of trying my best at everything and so far I am getting no where. I needed to create this blog thing that way i could get all my feelings out because keeping them inside isn't good for any of us. If i held all this anger inside of me once somebody made me mad or hurt me then i would take out all my anger out on that one person and they don't deserve that. I've tried everything. I've tried my hardest well the best that i can do at things and i can't seem to clear my mind while im trying to work. I'm working on Pre- Algebra stuff and it's really hard for me. I'm not proud of it but last year i pretty much copied off of my partners homework because i was busy the night before and never had enough time to finish it or i was rushing through another school project. This year im trying my best to get good grades like i used to its just that i can't clear my mind at school i either have somebody special on my mind or something else. I can't ever focus on my work. Again Im trying my best but i can't get anywhere. I wish i was a smarter person that way i could be able to work harder but i like the person that i am because i have a pretty good life right now i guess. I have awesome friends and an awesome half boyfriend. His name is Jamie Wilson and he means the world to me and I love him. People say that im not in love but you can't explain how you feel about love. I can't explain why i like him and thats what loves all about. I haven't seen him in 3 weeks and i miss him soooo much. We don't talk as much as we used to but we are getting better at that. Hes a pretty great guy once you get to know him. That's all i have to say for now but ill blog about more tomorrow. Enjoy